Mid-Winter Update

I would totally update more if I could do it from my phone.  It should be easy to upload picture from my phone to Blogger, but for some reason, I can’t figure out how to do it.

 Anyway, it’s been a fun winter Season.  I am *loving* being the mom of my  2 girls.  And I’m so blessed by how much my little girls love each other.  I’ve almost forgotten all the pain and frustration of infertility – my family brings me so much joy!

    Micah took Leah Rae to the “Sugar Plum Ball” for the first time this year.  It’s a fundraiser for the local hospital and it’s basically a formal dance for Daddies and Daughters.  Micah’s siblings have taken their girls for years, so he was just waiting for Leah to be old enough to go.   We took her to buy a dress and shoes – which is so fun in itself.  She would put on a dress and then prance out the the 3 way mirror and dance around.  We knew we had found “the” dress by the look on her face when she saw herself.  We bought her a little “tiara” and I curled her hair for the event.  (We had one unhappy moment when she reached up and grabbed the curling iron, burning her hand.  I felt SO bad!)  I’m not sure who had more fun, Leah or her Daddy!

 
   Christmas was super special too.  Sadie (6 mos old) got a little activity table.  As soon as we walked into the living room, Leah said “look, Sadie this is for you” and started playing with her sister for a solid 3-4 minutes before looking around and asking “are there presents for me?”  It sweet to see her excitement with her sister’s gift.  OF course, Leah got some great gifts too, including a Doc McStuffins clinic and the ultra-coveted “Elsa doll.”  (Leah also wanted an Anna doll, so she saved her “chore” money – she feeds the dog and picks up her toys – and then spent her ‘own’ money for the Anna doll.) Here are some fun Christmas pictures – these girls are truly ‘gifts’ to our family!

 

 
 

 
 

 
 

    Leah (3 years old) is still a wonderful big sister.  She loves to help take care of Sadie and cheers for her when she does new things.  She was so proud when Sadie started to crawl.  Sadie has also started to eat “food.”  I’m doing more of a “baby-led weaning” thing this time.  With Leah, I made all of her baby food and dutifully started with rice cereal and then veggie purees, etc.  Sadie… not so much.  I tried to start with oatmeal, but she is an independent girl and kept grabbing the food to try to feed herself.  So now, I pretty much put food on her tray and let her go to town.  Usually, I give her whatever vegetable we’re eating, but she’s had bread and rice too.  It’s easier, but messier.  It took a while for her to manage to realize the food goes in her mouth, but now she’s getting the hang of it.  I’m subscribing to the adage that “food before one is just for fun.”  Her main nutrition is still breastmilk – she’s still nursing like a champ – so I don’t stress about what she’s eating or how much.  I’m much more relaxed about feeding this time around.  Some of that could be because this child is so big, strong and healthy.  (Leah was always a little underweight.)

 

 

 

  Here are a few other cute pictures that capture my family.  I certainly treasure these moments!

 

                                                (Sadie and Eli - our dog - are BFFs)

So - that's our update.  I enjoy keeping up with everyone else's family.  Happy Winter!

Catching up: My two blessings!

So, it’s been nearly a year since I’ve updated.  I know, I’m a horrible blogger.  The same thing happened when I was pregnant with Leah – the morning sickness hit and I fell off the face of the earth.)  And now that baby is here, I spend lots of time on my phone while nursing, reading everyone else’s blogs, but I haven’t taken time on a real computer to update.  However, I’m inspired by Jess’s update; I loved reading about her girls and thought you all might like to hear about mine.

So, first of all: Here is my precious baby girl, Sadie Faith.  (I know – the hair!!!)

My pregnancy was similar to the first one; I was horribly sick until 20ish weeks and then felt great until the end, which was past 41 weeks.  I was hoping for a natural, unmedicated birth and I mostly got that.  I was scheduled for induction at 41w3d, but was grateful to go into labor on my own that morning.  I labored and delivered unmedicated, but then things went awry due to a shoulder dystocia.  (Head came out, shoulder got stuck.)  That was terrifying and really sucked to deal with without an epidural.  But my midwife was calm and awesome.  (Sadie was nearly 9lbs – which we never anticipated.) Unfortunately, I hemorrhaged pretty badly and needed a double dose of Stadol so the midwife could go in and pull out clots.  I was so very ‘out of it’ in the first few hours of my daughter’s life – and I hated that.  I refused to let anyone come to meet the baby until I was stable and coherent – which ended up being the next day. 

               Leah Rae was so excited to meet her sister.  As my in-laws brought her in the next day, she ran through the hospital yelling “Sadie?  Where are you?” I was impressed at how much she understood, since she wasn’t even 3 yet.  She really “got” that there was a baby in Mommy’s belly and she was being born so we could have her on the outside with us.  And she’s such a great big sister – almost too helpful.  I left my two week old baby on the bed for just a minute so I could use the bathroom and told Leah to watch her.  (It’s not like she was rolling yet.) Sadie started fussing and I came back to this:

               “I burping her Mommy.” Good thing Sadie had amazing head control right from the beginning!

I haven’t seen acting out or potty regression or anything that I was warned about.  Sometimes Leah will say “Sadie wants to nap.  Put her down” when she wants my attention, but that’s really it.  She really loves her sister.  And Sadie loves her big sister too.  She stops fussing when Leah sings to her and she gets the biggest smile ever when Leah talks to her.  I’m so blessed by how my children love each other and I hope I don’t screw that up as they grow. 

  

               Sadie is 4 months old now. She’s a healthy chunky monkey weighing over 14lbs already.  (Such a change from my first baby – Leah was  -and still is- a skinny kid.)  She’s wearing 6 month clothes already; in fact, I just got the 6-9 and 9 mos bin of clothes out.  She breastfeeds like a champ.  She sleeps 7 hours at night.  She’s super content all the time.  She’s a dream baby.

Except – she won’t drink from a bottle.  I tried introducing it around 2 weeks and she refused.  I kept trying – different bottles, different people feeding, different situations – and she is NOT interested.  I was able to stay home until she was 3 months old, which was awesome – but she STILL didn’t take a bottle when I went back to work.  She starved herself at first, but now she’ll take a few ounces while I’m gone.  She pretty much takes the edge off her hunger and waits for me to come home.  The girl just wants her milk straight from the tap.  Lol.  (In the meantime, I’ve got 300+ ounces of milk stored that I may never use b/c I’m still pumping more than she takes.  Gotta pump at work – she can go all day without nursing, but I cannot. I may look into donating it to the local NICU.) 

               Leah Rae is now a sweet adorable 3 year old.  It’s amazing to think that, when I started this blog, Leah was just a frozen embryo needing a family.  (And equally amazing to think that we almost gave up on embryo adoption after 4 failed FETs, but God knew that He wanted Sadie to be in our family.)

Leah loves to draw and paint.  She can almost write her name.  (She writes the letters, but not in a line or in the right order.) She is in gymnastics and she *loves* it.  She likes to perform and if we laugh at something she does, she’ll do it over and over.  She picks up on everything we say – and she has an incredible memory.    She loves Doc McStuffins and Minnie Mouse.  In fact, she wanted to be Doc McStuffins for Halloween – which was great because we had everything we needed for a costume.  I thought I was going to get away without buying costumes this year, since we also have several hand-me-down infant costumes.  But Leah requested that Sadie be dressed as “Lambie” (Doc McStuffins’ toy) and we couldn’t resist.

               Much of the summer was a blur with nursing and baby care, but we did get out more in the Fall and create some family memories.  We took the girls to a Yankees game in September.  We wanted Sadie to be able to say she saw Derek Jeter play.  She was 8 weeks old, but at least she can say she was there. Lol  Here are some fun pictures!

               I am determined to keep up with blogging.  (I know, I keep saying that.)  I love reading about everyone’s family.  You all have been a great support to me – and you’ve been my ‘friends’ since before most of us had kids.  It’s fun to keep up with the kids as they grow.  Really, I’ll do better!

A little worried....

It’s been a rough few weeks.  Just like last time, the “morning” sickness is kicking my tail.  I’m so happy to be pregnant and I’m so thrilled to be having this child… … … but I wish I could bypass the sickness part.  As Micah gave me my PIO shot this morning, I told him “I would take these shots every day for the entire pregnancy if I could just not be sick – can’t I trade?”  It’s just not fair – after everything we go through to have a child, couldn’t we have easy pregnancies?  

OK – enough whining!  Things seem to be going well.  I’m a little worried about our last ultrasound though.  A week ago, the baby was measuring a little ahead at 6w6d.  (I was 6w4d)  This week, the baby was measuring 7w0d (at 7w4d).  The nurse that did that measuring wasn’t concerned about this week’s measurement.  She said these machines could be off of several days to a week.  And she was able to measure the heartbeat at a healthy 166bpm.  She said all is well.

But when I got home, I started looking at the numbers.  Last week the baby was 9.1mm and this week it was 9.9mm.  She MUST have measured wrong, right?  Did my baby really only grow .9mm??  It’s supposed to grow that much every day, not every week!  Yet, I don’t think baby stopped growing.  There was definitely a strong heartbeat – and the blob looks  bigger this week.  I’m hoping it was just a mistake.  I’m trying to not stress – the nurse wasn’t worried.  But then again, a different person does the ultrasound every week – so maybe she didn’t realize there was little growth.  Micah’s not worried because the nurse said it was ok.  And I’m still really sick – getting worse – so that has  to mean that everything is progressing, right?  I’m trying to be positive.  I can’t believe that God would bring us this far to have the pregnancy fail……

On another note – part of my sickness is due to sinus issues – I’m super stuffed up and there’s a ton of (TMI alert) post-nasal drip that I keep swallowing.  I’m sure that’s contributing to the ‘gonna-puke-any-minute’ feeling.  I keep thinking it’s going to get better, but it’s not.  I’m wondering if it’s time to go to the doctor and get an antibiotic.  (I don’t have an OB yet, so it’d be from Urgent Care.)  I’m a little afraid b/c it’s so early in the pregnancy.  I really don’t want to take drugs that could potentially affect my baby.  But I also don’t know if this infection will take care of itself.  I’m so torn…..

So, that’s my update.  Thanks for keeping us in your prayers!

Yup, still pregnant

   After so many failures and losses, I have trouble believing that this pregnancy is for real. I'm waiting for something bad to happen, so I'm over analyzing every little thing.  My progesterone level was only 20 last week (it was 40 earlier).  20 is still totally normal, the nurse wasn't even slightly concerned - but it freaked me out.  And the gestational sac was smaller than it was with Leah - so of course I "researched" (i.e. read stuff online)  and discovered that it's the bottom end of normal for this point.  So - that means normal.  But yet, I worry.  Why am I such a worrywart?  I don't want to be that person!

     I don't know how I can even doubt my pregnancy with the awful morning sickness I've been having.  With Leah, I got really sick; I could barely function, even with Zofran around the clock - up until week 17.  I was in the ER twice (b/c I was trying to not take so much Zofran) due to severe dehydration b/c I couldn't keep water down.  I was really hoping this pregnancy would be different.  But... ... not so much.

I'm just barely 6 weeks now - and while I haven't thrown up, I'm nauseous ALL the time.  I'm eating crackers every hour it seems b/c it keeps me from puking.  I'm already unbuttoning my pants and looking forward to wearing maternity pants.  I remember this from last time too.  My pants pressing against my abdomen made me feel more nauseous.  

But you know what?  I wouldn't trade it for the world.  I am SO grateful to be pregnant.  All this sickness just reminds me that there's a little life growing inside of me - and I'm so thankful for this miracle.

Here's a pic of our little one:  (well, the sac the little one will grow in)

I have another ultrasound next week - hopefully we'll see the little heartbeat along with the fetal pole and yolk sac.  And hopefully, I will be able to rest assured that God really is gifting us with a second miracle!

I'm really pregnant!!!

    This is really happening!!  After getting two pink lines on Friday, I had my blood draw and the beta number came back at 158.  That's even stronger than Leah's beta was.  I know I shouldn't compare pregnancies, but after our dragged out miscarriage a while back, I'm just happy to have such a high number.  The second draw was yesterday and came back at 738!!!  So, yeah - I'm pregnant.  And my progesterone was around 40 both times, which is a relief too.  
   We told both of our parents yesterday, which was so much fun.  I'm making a Shutterfly book of Leah's second year and I've been showing my MIL the book as I've worked on it.  (We made a video of her 1st year, but now I want to go back and make a book for that year too.  And a book of her embryo adoption story.  I'm a bit behind.....)  Anyway,  I added a page that says that "Leah will become a big sister in June."  She and my FIL were looking at the book and when they got to that page, they just stared at it for the longest time before asking "is this for real?"  Yep - it's for real.
   My mom came up to visit last night as well and we had a "big sister in training" T-shirt on Leah.  She was equally as shocked.  We told the siblings today  - and that's it for a while.  I'm not ready to tell the world yet.  It's still so early - though I have to believe that God will complete this miracle and bless us with this baby.  (or babies, we don't know yet.)
   I have my first ultrasound scheduled next week, so I'm excited to see a nice dark blob on the grey screen!  I might have to pee on a stick again between now and then, just to make sure I'm still pregnant.  It seems so far away....

Thank you again for all of your prayers!

So THIS is what that's like.....

You know, when you pee on a stick and see TWO PINK LINES!!!!!
In 4 1/2 years of trying to have children, this has never happened to us. Until today!!!!
(Well, we tested after the + beta with Leah but that doesn't count.)

Yes, ladies- I am pregnant. It didn't even take the full 3 min and I didn't have to squint to see the line. It is 9dp5dt after all.  Today is my beta. I'm actually sitting in the hospital waiting room now- at 6am- for my blood draw.  I'll go down to the Fertilty Clinic in Syracuse for beta #2 - mostly so I can celebrate with the staff.

We haven't told anybody in real life. We're dreaming up plans for that- were hoping to surprise our family since we didn't tell most of them about this cycle.

Today, the secret is between Micah and I (and now you.)  I know that so much could still go wrong. But today, we rejoice in God's gift of life!!!  Thank you all for your prayers.

When to test.....

   Waiting is hard.  You've all been there!  I recently read through my blog entries from our first transfer with Leah – and I have this same sentiment:  as difficult as it is to wait, it’s easier than getting a BFN and having this all be over.  We prayed so much for these embryos – like all the others, we believe they are a miraculous gift.  If this cycle is negative, we have nothing:  no more money, no more embryos.  Of course, we’re praying that THIS is the time we get our BFP. 

     So, on the subject of BFPs… … … I’m not sure when to test. With Leah, we didn’t test until after the positive beta.  With the others, we tested early and got all negatives.  I’m not sure seeing a negative HPT is any better than just waiting it out. The difference is that this time, Micah and I won’t be together when the clinic calls with the results.  We used to both take the day off and travel to Syracuse and then spend the day together waiting for the phone call.  But we really don’t have the time for that.  I’m going to do the blood test at our local hospital at 6am before I go to work.  And then be working when they call.  And then play phone tag.  Sounds exciting, no?

    The beta is this Friday (9dp5dt.)  I’ll likely test that morning just so when know what to expect when they call.  But… … today is 6dp5dt – I could  potentially get a positive result today – or tomorrow.  I just can’t decide if I want to do that to myself or not. 

            In an effort to think positively, I got my “pregnancy ring” out and started wearing it.  When I was pregnant with Leah, my fingers swelled so much that I had to stop wearing my wedding rings so I bought a different ring to wear on my wedding finger instead.  It’s a small silver band that says “everything is possible when you have faith.”  I am wearing it on my right hand this time (for now at least.)  I don’t know if I would swell this time since it’s winter, but I will wear the ring throughout my pregnancy.  Let’s just pray that I don’t have to take it off on Friday!

If I decide to test early, I will certainly let you all know.  Stay tuned…… ...