Saturday, May 11, 2013

It only takes one, right?

After dragging and dragging, this cycle kicked into gear and we transferred our little embie yesterday.  I tried acupuncture this time, both before and after the transfer.  I'm not sure that I love acupuncture... ... but if it could possibly help, I'm willing to do it.  (For the money, though, I would much rather have a massage.)
   We had two embryos left, but only one survived the thaw.  (This is the first cycle we've  had one not make it.)  It's kind of discouraging.  I feel like our chances of success are much lower with one (as opposed to 2 or 3 embryos.)  The RE was optimistic though - he said the one we have looks really good.  He reminded us that it only takes one embryo to grow into a baby.
   I would have never chosen to do a single embryo transfer.  We are not alarmed by the risk of multiples - we would happily welcome twins.  All of our other transfers have been 2 or 3 embryos.  Doing the math, we've transferred 11 embryos and had 1 child.  So, it's hard to hold out hope for this little one.  But, as so many of you keep reminding me (which I'm so thankful for) - God knows which children He intends to use here on this earth and which will join Him immediately in Heaven.  And He could fully intend to bless us with this little one now resting in my womb.  Or not.  We'll just have to wait and see.

   The waiting is complicated by the fact that our clinic has a slew of donor embryos available right now.  There hardly ever have embryos - it's just not a well utilized program - and right now they actually have 5 different sets.  I so want to jump on them.  But it seems silly to spend a ton of money to reserve embryos right now when we don't know if we'll end up pregnant from this cycle.  But by the time we have our beta, they could all be gone - they go really fast b/c our clinic doesn't get many of them.  
   Micah thinks that we should just wait and let God work out the timing.  If we snatch up these embies, we are displaying a lack of faith in God.  If we are meant to grow those embryos in our family, then they will still be available if we get a BFN.  Or perhaps God will bless us with a BFP and none of this all matters.  It's just hard to sit and wait.  Waiting is always hard.
   I've spent yesterday and today relaxing on the couch.  Well, as much as I can with a toddler.  We had some friends watch Leah yesterday so I could have some time to rest after the transfer.  Things are about to get really busy in the next 2 weeks - so I'm trying to "store up" as much rest as I can... lol!

Saturday, May 4, 2013

This is taking forever!

For some reason, it feels like this cycle is taking forever.  It feels like my baseline was so long ago - and my lining check is weeks away.  It's not - it's only days away, but it feels like weeks.  Usually, the time goes by really fast; I don't know what the difference is this time.  I'm just as busy as usual.  I've got just as much stuff on my mind.  I'm not really dwelling on the cycle and the waiting, but somehow it just seems to have dragged on.
   Maybe it's because I kind of feel like we're just going through the motions.  Since we have these 2 embryos left, we might as well give them a chance before we try to figure out what God has next for us.  I don't that's a poor mindset - but maybe a BFN will be less disappointing if I go through it with an indifferent attitude.
   Not much to say right now.  I'm doing my first acupuncture appointment right after our lining check next week.  I'll post more then......